I've been reading and hearing a similar message lately. For example here is a quote from Katie Davis Majors, "He showed me that He wasn’t Jesus who desired my productivity, He was Jesus who desired me. All of me, poured out before Him."
The Spirit has been tugging at my heart and sending me the same kind of message. I wanted so desperately to serve God in some 'calling'. I chased after it, even though it felt unnatural and forced. I wrote those feelings off as being a part of "stepping out in faith". Sure it was scary, but I was trusting God to lead me to this new adventure to serve him in a bigger way.
But it all came crashing down and I felt like a total failure. I was disillusioned and confused. I was on a journey to finally discover my true calling. The big thing that God had been preparing me to do for him.
Now what?!
The gentle Spirit directed me to certain writings. He sent me the message that my relationship with my Father is the most important thing. When I searched my heart, I realized that some of my motives were selfish. I would have a ministry, a calling, something that God had uniquely gifted me to accomplish!
~Writing that just now makes it sound prideful and self serving. I was at the center of my focus, not God.
It was humbling not only to have my true motives exposed but also to realize that I didn't have anything to offer God but myself.
But that's what he desires most of all. A relationship with him. He is jealous God. He doesn't like it when we put anything ahead of him, even 'serving'.
This doesn't give me an excuse to sit around and do nothing. He has called us to lovingly serve each other. But I need to focus on my relationship with him, allowing his Spirit to renew me from the inside out. As I do, serving will happen naturally. My self-focus becomes God focused.
I see him and not me.
The Spirit has been tugging at my heart and sending me the same kind of message. I wanted so desperately to serve God in some 'calling'. I chased after it, even though it felt unnatural and forced. I wrote those feelings off as being a part of "stepping out in faith". Sure it was scary, but I was trusting God to lead me to this new adventure to serve him in a bigger way.
But it all came crashing down and I felt like a total failure. I was disillusioned and confused. I was on a journey to finally discover my true calling. The big thing that God had been preparing me to do for him.
Now what?!
The gentle Spirit directed me to certain writings. He sent me the message that my relationship with my Father is the most important thing. When I searched my heart, I realized that some of my motives were selfish. I would have a ministry, a calling, something that God had uniquely gifted me to accomplish!
~Writing that just now makes it sound prideful and self serving. I was at the center of my focus, not God.
It was humbling not only to have my true motives exposed but also to realize that I didn't have anything to offer God but myself.
But that's what he desires most of all. A relationship with him. He is jealous God. He doesn't like it when we put anything ahead of him, even 'serving'.
"You must worship no other gods, for the Lord, whose very name is Jealous, is a God who is jealous about his relationship with you." ~ Exodus 34:14
This doesn't give me an excuse to sit around and do nothing. He has called us to lovingly serve each other. But I need to focus on my relationship with him, allowing his Spirit to renew me from the inside out. As I do, serving will happen naturally. My self-focus becomes God focused.
I see him and not me.
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