I was reminiscing recently on my childhood friendships. In spite of my severe shyness, I was able make a few friends. Sometimes to my delight, friends would invite me to be a guest in their home. But to my dismay, my mother would deny me that opportunity. Each time I asked, she had the same reply: "We don't know their parents." I understand now that my mom only had my best interest in mind.
Now at nine years of age I realized didn't have much hope in swaying my mom to change her mind. But that didn't change my desire to be able to visit friends in their home. So I devised a plan. It was simple: make a friend whose parents my mom did know. As I searched my fourth grade class I decided that Nancy would be my target. Somehow I knew that her dad and mine both worked at the same place. This sounds like a strange criteria to base a friendship upon, but it worked. We had other things in common too: both being of the same religion, and from large families.
I was over joyed that my plan was successful! Soon after our friendship began, our parents allowed us to visit each others' homes. Nancy and I quickly become very close and were best friends from 4th grade all the way into high school.
As we entered middle school and puberty we became aware of the cruelty of some of our peers. People were judged by their outward appearance, social status, intelligence and athleticism. Some teased Nancy because they felt she didn't fit into their social criteria. I would be lying if I didn't admit that I felt a little embarrassed when popular girls would question, "Ann, why are you even Nancy's friend?" But she was my friend and I knew her family background and the reasons behind what made her stand out from her peers.
We remained close. As Nancy matured she was able to change a few things about herself to fit in a little more with the others at school. We were a part of a small group of friends who accepted each other and enjoyed each other's company.
When we were 15 years old there was a specific event that started the shift in our friendship. In September of that year, I attended a Billy Graham crusade. After the preaching and the singing, my family members who were with me & I worked our way down onto the field. There someone took each of us aside and explained that we could have a personal friendship with Jesus. This sounded wonderful to me, because I had been seeking to know God more. I asked Jesus to be my saviour, because he died to pay for my sins. His sacrifice made me clean before God!
I was very excited about my new found faith and wanted to share the experience with my best friend. I took the opportunity one afternoon while Nancy and I were walking back to her house after driver's education class. I explained to her what had happened to me at the crusade. But, I didn't get the response that I was expecting. Nancy didn't share my excitement and was somewhat confused by it all.
As the school year progressed Nancy and I began to grow apart. Now, you would think that having Jesus as your friend would cause you to draw closer to people, but that's not what happened. My family left the church we had been attending and joined a church of a different faith where I made new friends. I spent more and more time with them. We had lots of fun attending church youth activities. Nancy also made other friends and would hang out with them on weekends. Our interests were changing, but I invited Nancy to join me in some of the youth events. As I look back, I wonder if Nancy felt intimidated and and/or judged by me, my new friends and my new beliefs. She didn't understand why my family felt the need to change the church we attended. I was different, Nancy could tell, and I don't think she liked it.
Nancy and I became marginal friends, but still we stayed in contact with each other as adults. Every year we exchanged Christmas cards, letters and family photos.
I went back to my home town for our 10 year class reunion. While there I tried to get in contact with Nancy, but I was unsuccessful. I looked for her at the reunion, but she didn't show. A mutual friend shared that Nancy had asked about me and that she was in a troubling situation.
A few months later I got a message that Nancy had died in a car accident. I was shocked and saddened. Oh how I wished I could have had a conversation with her before she passed. I wondered what it was she wanted to tell me. I hoped she had found my Saviour and began a relationship with him.
Many years later as I reflect back on this friendship of childhood. I see that Nancy & I lacked the skills of sharing our true feelings. Instead of having heart to heart conversations to try and understand the changes in each of us, we avoided the topic and gradually grew apart. I'm not sure what Eternity will be like. Perhaps we will be spending all of our time praising our God and that would be good. But, if we have the opportunity to converse with our brothers and sisters in Christ, one of the people I will seek out will be Nancy.
We will have plenty of time to have long conversations sharing each other's true feelings without the obstacles caused by living in a broken world.
Now at nine years of age I realized didn't have much hope in swaying my mom to change her mind. But that didn't change my desire to be able to visit friends in their home. So I devised a plan. It was simple: make a friend whose parents my mom did know. As I searched my fourth grade class I decided that Nancy would be my target. Somehow I knew that her dad and mine both worked at the same place. This sounds like a strange criteria to base a friendship upon, but it worked. We had other things in common too: both being of the same religion, and from large families.
I was over joyed that my plan was successful! Soon after our friendship began, our parents allowed us to visit each others' homes. Nancy and I quickly become very close and were best friends from 4th grade all the way into high school.
As we entered middle school and puberty we became aware of the cruelty of some of our peers. People were judged by their outward appearance, social status, intelligence and athleticism. Some teased Nancy because they felt she didn't fit into their social criteria. I would be lying if I didn't admit that I felt a little embarrassed when popular girls would question, "Ann, why are you even Nancy's friend?" But she was my friend and I knew her family background and the reasons behind what made her stand out from her peers.
We remained close. As Nancy matured she was able to change a few things about herself to fit in a little more with the others at school. We were a part of a small group of friends who accepted each other and enjoyed each other's company.
When we were 15 years old there was a specific event that started the shift in our friendship. In September of that year, I attended a Billy Graham crusade. After the preaching and the singing, my family members who were with me & I worked our way down onto the field. There someone took each of us aside and explained that we could have a personal friendship with Jesus. This sounded wonderful to me, because I had been seeking to know God more. I asked Jesus to be my saviour, because he died to pay for my sins. His sacrifice made me clean before God!
I was very excited about my new found faith and wanted to share the experience with my best friend. I took the opportunity one afternoon while Nancy and I were walking back to her house after driver's education class. I explained to her what had happened to me at the crusade. But, I didn't get the response that I was expecting. Nancy didn't share my excitement and was somewhat confused by it all.
As the school year progressed Nancy and I began to grow apart. Now, you would think that having Jesus as your friend would cause you to draw closer to people, but that's not what happened. My family left the church we had been attending and joined a church of a different faith where I made new friends. I spent more and more time with them. We had lots of fun attending church youth activities. Nancy also made other friends and would hang out with them on weekends. Our interests were changing, but I invited Nancy to join me in some of the youth events. As I look back, I wonder if Nancy felt intimidated and and/or judged by me, my new friends and my new beliefs. She didn't understand why my family felt the need to change the church we attended. I was different, Nancy could tell, and I don't think she liked it.
Nancy and I became marginal friends, but still we stayed in contact with each other as adults. Every year we exchanged Christmas cards, letters and family photos.
I went back to my home town for our 10 year class reunion. While there I tried to get in contact with Nancy, but I was unsuccessful. I looked for her at the reunion, but she didn't show. A mutual friend shared that Nancy had asked about me and that she was in a troubling situation.
A few months later I got a message that Nancy had died in a car accident. I was shocked and saddened. Oh how I wished I could have had a conversation with her before she passed. I wondered what it was she wanted to tell me. I hoped she had found my Saviour and began a relationship with him.
Many years later as I reflect back on this friendship of childhood. I see that Nancy & I lacked the skills of sharing our true feelings. Instead of having heart to heart conversations to try and understand the changes in each of us, we avoided the topic and gradually grew apart. I'm not sure what Eternity will be like. Perhaps we will be spending all of our time praising our God and that would be good. But, if we have the opportunity to converse with our brothers and sisters in Christ, one of the people I will seek out will be Nancy.
We will have plenty of time to have long conversations sharing each other's true feelings without the obstacles caused by living in a broken world.
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